Doorbell rings. Dog grumbles. Take down the baby gate. Answer the door. Make sure boobs aren’t showing.

Who’s there? Two crazy eyed ladies wielding bibles.

Goddamnit… Why me? (we need a peephole or a door with a window)

Oh, I’m so glad I found you home. Im Joan, this is Vicki. (yeah I dont care) do you believe that God is love?

::I don’t believe anything. Years of forced catholic dogma have turned me off religion.

Oh, that’s too bad? What one thing would you change about the world?

::I’d remove all the ridiculous conservative Christians from the planet, especially the government and I’d make it legal for gays to marry.

Oh, that’s kind of harsh. Do you feel that way about all religions?

::nope, and I even believe that not all Christians are bad, but I don’t believe in knocking on doors to try to prove a point and I believe that if there IS a “god”, then all people are made in his image and likeness so if you’re gay, straight, black, white, Arab, it’s all good. Dont hurt me, I won’t hurt you.

Well, can I share a passage from the bible with you?

::no, I don’t need to hear some carefully selected passage in which you try to change my mind. Plus, I have to finish getting dressed.

SHUT THE FREAKING DOOR!